For many seniors, being a grandparent means the life-changing joy of having a baby around without the daily responsibilities of parenting and caregiving. When Debra Hulsey’s grandchild was born, her life changed in a different way.
Debra thought her primary caregiving responsibilities were done when her own child moved out of the house. She remarried and was ready to enter a new phase of her life – one that was more relaxed and slow-paced, especially considering the fact she left the workforce due to a serious injury.
Her plans changed abruptly when her granddaughter, Violet Rose, was born.
Violet Rose, who was born in a state of crisis, was put directly into the foster care system.
Debra knew that she was her grandchild’s only hope of staying with a biological family member.
“When I saw my grandbaby, she forever changed my life and I knew I had to stand up,” Debra said with a determined look on her face. “Neither of her biological parents did anything to get her back. My heart broke into a million pieces. I wasn’t going to walk away, so I adopted her.”
Debra’s courageous choice to step in as Violet Rose’s primary caregiver caused friction between her and her then-husband – ultimately causing them to divorce. Debra stood strong with her decision, even though divorce meant she would face significant financial struggles.
“I had to go back to work, I had no choice,” Debra said. “I didn’t have any income, and I had no idea how I was going to take care of this baby. We struggled a lot financially.”
On top of financial struggles, Debra started to notice that Violet Rose was unique as a young child. She decided to take her to therapy, which is where she was diagnosed with ADHD, ODD and Dyslexia.
“Right from the beginning, I knew she was different,” Debra shared. “She faced struggles with reading; she was behind grade-level. That was because she was a drug-baby.”
Having to adjust to a single-parent household, with a child facing developmental challenges, Debra felt an extreme sense of loneliness.
“All of it was hard, don’t get me wrong,” Debra shared. “But the hardest part for me? It was feeling lonely. Most seniors have completely different priorities. But me? I had a baby at home. Once again, I was a single mother. It felt like ‘Everyone forgot about old Debra.’”
Debra knew that her love for Violet Rose was unbreakable, even facing the unknown by herself.
“The moment my title changed from ‘Grandma’ to ‘Mommy’, I knew I would do anything to protect and provide for my baby.” Debra smiled while hugging Violet Rose. “It has always been us, side by side, no matter what.”
“No matter what.” Violet Rose echoed.
That unwavering love and dedication to providing for her granddaughter is what brought Debra to Duet: Partners in Health and Aging (Duet).
Duet, funded in part by Valley of the Sun United Way and our donors, offers compassionate care to aging adults – specifically focusing on the prevention and intervention of homelessness for seniors, as well as providing socioemotional support for grandparents raising children.
“Our partnership with Duet helps us focus on our Housing and Homelessness strategies specifically for seniors,” said Eileana Gudiño, Community Development and Engagement Director at Valley of the Sun United Way. “What we’re seeing is seniors are some of the most vulnerable in our community. Duet supports them by providing the resources and wraparound services they need financially and emotionally – to ensure they can stay united with their families in their homes.”
Duet’s “Grand-families” program provides a plethora of services, such as food and financial assistance, educational tools, legal guidance, and “Grand-family” support groups and outings to ensure senior caregivers feel a sense of support and unity with others in similar situations.
“If you don’t have the resources to care of yourself and your grandchild, it acts as a huge stressor,” Eileana adds. “By taking off those added stresses, and by providing a community of other individuals in similar situations, these grandparents are able to provide the best care in their complex situations.”
The program stepped in for Debra and Violet Rose at a time when they needed community support the most.
“They welcomed us with open arms, and I finally felt I was not in it alone,” Debra said. “There are a lot of grandparents raising children. Duet is able to help us in every way possible. They have so many resources and services that are specific for each family.”
After joining Duet’s program, Debra says she felt resilient. She focused her energy on providing the best care possible for Violet Rose – which meant moving to a larger home and supporting her in school.
“They (Duet) provided us with everything,” Debra said. “All the resources we needed. Violet Rose was able to surpass reading expectations in school, since I could focus my energy on studying with her at home. They gave us backpacks, clothes, and took us on community outings with other ‘Grand-families’. We wouldn’t have been able to do any of it otherwise.”
With the support of Duet and Valley of the Sun United Way, Debra and Violet Rose are in a strong, stable place now. Debra feels fully affirmed in her role as the sole caregiver, and Violet Rose sings her praises.
“My mom (Debra) did everything for me,” Violet Rose said while hugging Debra. “She absolutely loves me, and I love her. She is the best mom ever.”
When asked about Valley of the Sun United Way and our donors, Debra and Violet Rose both gleefully expressed their appreciation.
“You guys have helped so many people, in 100 years,” Violet Rose said while smiling. “All the people you help finally realize they’re not alone.”
Debra is excited about her and Violet Rose’s future. She has instilled in her granddaughter the values of giving back, because of the support they received as a family.
Debra added. “These kids need you; these grandparents need you. When I look at Violet Rose, I know she has a bright future, and that’s because of how loving and caring she is. When kids see people giving, they’re going to want to give back too. With your help, you’re not just helping one family. You’re helping society.”
Violet Rose is excited about her future as well. “In school, I’m catching up fast,” Violet Rose shared while smiling ear to ear. “I have big dreams, and I want to keep helping others. Because, what’s life if you don’t have dreams?”
